Let me love you
by kittycatneko-chan
Summary: CHAPTER 5 IS UP ! Stuff are finally happening, death eaters, wounds...Harry is having a hard time understanding Draco.slash.Harry's POV.(btw, if you have troubles getting to chapters 3 & 4 like I do, change the last number in your adress bar so it corresp
1. So unfair

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**disclaimer- **not much is mine... the basic idea of the fanfiction, but all the characters are JKR's.

**A/N-** That's my very first fan fiction ! Please, tell me how you think it is :) I've been writing this just like that, and I'm not quite sure about it ... so tell me ! oh, and by the way... **slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash slash**. that means male/male pairing.... :p . so if you don't quite like it well..... errr .... don't be upset, just search for something else .

I apologize for the language, but Harry is pretty upset in this first chapter ;;; ....

I hope you'll like it !!!!! o

neko

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LET ME LVE YOU

Chapter 1 - So unfair

Okay. No.

Yeah, but, no. Definitely not. When did it start ? No idea....I mean's wrong with me ? It cannot be. I can't just let THIS happen to me. I have other things to think about ...... and worst of all .... WHY HE ? Out of all the people I know.... I mean, there're like, lots of hot-sexy-deadly-cute-whatever-people-call-them chicks... but it had to be HIM. It is just not right. I'm dead. I'm dead unlucky.

I can't hide it forever, or else, it'll get even more twisted. Well, I'm already deep down in a twisted fuck now anyways. I don't wanna have anything to do with _him_. Specially _that_ kind of thing. So why do I care ? I don't know, and I guess that's what makes me pissed off.

Okay. Let's just try to make sense out of this crap.

I, I Harry Potter, Harry fucking Potter, have a crush on Draco bloody Malfoy. A crush, or whatever you'd call that. Shit shit shit shit ! ...

What am I gonna do...?

I'm so bloody screwed.

Here I was, in the library, looking at him. How lame was that ? I spied him ... I stalked him ... scary. I faked searching a book. He didn't ever notice me anyways. Not anymore. He used to, but it changed. He used to hate me. He would take every occasion to make my life any worse. He would sneer and laugh at me. But his attitude toward me changed so that he now would be royally ignoring me. And, I have to confess, I missed it. I.... I never felt more meaningless to him. At least, when he hated me, he'd notice me.

He sat there, by himself, at this little corner table. He was alone. He had taken a book, and read intensely. He was gorgeous. Well, when he read at least. He looked so calm and .... innocent. At that moment, I felt like he was a totally different person... frail. Lately, he had lost his badass looks, and given it away for a lost and alone attitude. I saw him staring blankly in space many times. He also looked whiter than ever. At some times, he would look so sad that I would feel the urge all over my body to run to him and take him in my arms to protect him from whatever made him sad. Damn him, I want him so bad ! I _want_ him ...

_Calm down. Keep searching for that book Harry. He doesn't even notice you, you bonehead. He maybe even isn't attracted to boys .... and it's not like you have great looks anyways...._

I can't help it, but I'm always acting like a stupid schoolgirl when he's around. I hate it, I feel so retarded.

I heard a book closing. That was definitely him. He set the book on the table. I heard footsteps. They came closer.

_No way. I'm just imagining things. Still. It does feel like he's getting closer. Don't look. Search for the book. Keep focused dammit ! SEARCH FOR THE BLOODY BOOK !........_

Coming closer.

He stopped. He was here. I knew. I was'nt looking, but I just could tell.

"Potter."

_Now, you act like you never had those previous thoughts Harry. You can do it._

"It's me alright." I tried to answer carelessly.

"You ..."

He frowned. He seemed like he searched for the right words.

"Now, what about it ? I'm sorry, but I'm busy right now, in case you didn't notice." I answered, faking to be upset. I actually was so happy I could hardly handle the feeling...

How cold was that ? Cold enough I thought. A little too cold. I managed not to stutter though.

"Oh, okay. I came to talk about the, you know, the whole bullshit McGonagall and Snape are so worried about. The "getting along together". But since you are so busy, I guess I don't have to waste your time talking about it right ?" he sneered. He turned away, and began to leave.

_Wait a second. He came to me. He came to me to try to hush that adversity. The very one that started since the first day we met. And I blew all that away .... oh God, how retarded can I get ? ....._

"Whatever. Did you ever even intended to do that since you knew you would get no benefits ? I'm not that stupid Malfoy."

I answered calmly. I couldn't believe I was actually being this mean to him. I mean, it's not like I wanted to be nice or anything, but I was aggressive... that was bad. That was so very bad.

_If I keep this up, I'll never be able to have it my way with him ..._

"You're right Potter, not like I cared anyways."

He didn't turn back, and left the room.

_Okay. Hurray for you Harry. See, that's great, you're so gonna make it work now. _

I let myself lean on a bookshelf. I closed my eyes. I grinded my teeth, calling myself stupid over and over again in my head. I clench my fists.

"Fuck" I whispered.

He was manipulating me somehow. And he didn't even know. If he knew, he wouldn't give a damn about it anyways. He mustn't have done this to me, I should have been the one _manipulating_ him. Not the other way around....

_HEY. Wait ! Manipulating.....! I know a little about that now .... What are the three unforgivable spells ? Avada Kedevra, Crucio, and....Imperio. There. Imperio. I could .... I would ... I can .... I don't quite know the spell right ... and it's unforgivable ... but didn't the fake "bad-eye" Moody used the three spells in front of the whole class ? He didn't get in trouble after using them .... he got in trouble when people found out he was actually Barty, but still, he didn't get in trouble for using the three spells..... I guess this is manageable._

_I am gonna risk my honor on Draco. Wow, I hardly can believe this. _

_Wait but ... what after I hex him ? He needs to forget, or else, I'm screwed ... _

I looked around, like in some search for answers. Books. Gilderoy.

_I hate his books, they bring me bad memor----- !!!! GILDEROY ! Now I have it ! Obliviate ! _

_I'll have Draco hexed with Imperio, and after that, I'll obliviate him ....! I can manage this I guess ....I feel bad though. He's not a toy. I shan't do this to him. He's a dick, but still. _

_"You're right Potter, not like I cared anyways."_

I remembered that. Right, he didn't care. Of course he didn't care. Well, if he didn't, I didn't either.

I'll have him. I will. And ...

Geeeez.. when did I become so perverted ?

TBC

**A/N-** it's really short, but it's just to settle the whole thing. The following chapters are gonna be longer...... chapter 2 is written down on paper, I just have to change it around a little bit, and copy on my computer...Harry is actually gonna do something khee-khee ....THX for supporting my writing and make it up to here :)

please review ! o

THX

-neko


	2. So stupid

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**Disclaimer**- not much is mine..... the story but not the characters.

**A/N- **2nd CHAPTER !!!!! wheeeeeeee !!!! XD I'm so happy ! and..... MEGA THX to my first reviewer; MELAMINESTEL !!!! I love you :) :) !!!! You get to get the super-giga-cool gift due to my first reviewer ever :) ! here it iiiiis...... SMOOOOOOCH .... :) there..... what ? you weren't lounging for that ? ... errr well sorry....well, anyway. thanks :) (and my writing is still a lot clumsy, I guess that's why people swear when they talk and not when they speak ...... excuses excuses......)

Thanks to Riverxgirl toooooo !!!! :) you won't get smooched, but thxxxx !!! comments make me feel great :D !

enough talk, let's get started...

neko

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LET ME LOVE YOU

Chapter 2 - So stupid

Potions. Snape. Ughhhhhh .... what could be worse ? Specially since I was supposed to make some weird potion out of jobber knoll feathers, leeches, puffer fish eyes and other unidentified slimy things. I was stirring my mixture pretty mindlessly when it began bubbleling.

_Hu-oh... this is not supposed to happen......_

When Snape looked intensely at some other kid's potion, I casted a silencing charm. Just in time, before my potion exploded. I still managed to spill it all over my working area.... and the unavoidable happened, Snape noticed, he got red, and called

"Potter, I want you to come see me when the period will be over."

_Oh great, I just needed that...like I needed another problem in my bloody life..._

Lately, I did pretty bad in all of my classes... failed a Transfiguration test, didn't turn in the required homework in Defense Against the Dark Arts, kept sleeping during the History of Magic (well, _this_ wasn't particularly new....). And I knew why. I spent entire nights practicing obliviate. I still couldn't try Imperio, even on bugs or such. So I would sneak out of the castle, and go in the forbidden forest. Once there, I would spend hours obliviating animals. The best I did was making a salamander forgetting all the stuff about attacking other beings. That saved my butt, because I was about to get badly wounded.

Unfortunately, I'd not have time to study or anything. And that didn't make a whole lot of difference since when I try to get anything done, my mind get stuck on a certain person..... damn him.

The class got dismissed. I packed up my stuffs, and froze. I didn't want to go to Snape, because I knew what awaited me. And knew I would hate it. But I was actually a little off the real thing he was about to tell me.

When I went up to him, he was still cleaning things off his desk. When he thought he made me lounge enough for my judgment, he turned to me, and looked at me right in the eyes. I hated when he did that, it made me loose it all ; I felt stupid and ashamed of myself. He finally said

"Potter, I am utterly discontent over your behavior. You should be ashamed of yourself."

_I am. What can I do more ?_

I didn't say anything. He stayed still. I looked down.

"**Don't you dare look down Potter** **! You are not a child. Neither are you a coward. You may know you are in fault, but you could at least try to defend yourself ! You will never save the wisard world if you look down when something gets in your way **!"

This made my blood boil. I hated when people told me about saving the world...... what-ever. Did they think I could just do it like that ? Anyways, I looked at him right in the eyes, trying not to succumb to the urge of punching him.

"Was that why you made me come to you professor ?" I managed to say.

"The matter is alarming Potter. Your are miserably failing my class, but this is no surprise to me. What worries me most is that Malfoy is doing terrible too, this starting almost two weeks ago. This date, which correspond the one day we -professor MacGonagall and myself- charged him to try to establish some sort of friendly contact with you. He unfortunately appeared to not have realized it."

"Does this have anything to do with me ?" My anger had now vanished, and I only wanted him to get to the point. This involved Malfoy. Anything that involved Malfoy mattered to me.

"**Of course it does !"** he shouted, slamming his hands on his desk. I could almost see fire burning in his eyes.

I decided that Snape was to treat with great care at this moment. And then, he began to whisper harshly

"Malfoy joined the Order on the beginning of the year. His case was very delicate, and his health , physical as well as psychological, was badly disturbed. HE IS IN DEER NEED OF HELP."

I opened my eyes wide. So this was it. His lonely look, his lost way to act ..... the.. the everything. Oh my, oh my.....

"I.... I didn't know....I ..." I stuttered miserably.....

"Of course you didn't. Don't you ever care about others ?" He sneered.

This hurt me. I might not have held Snape really high in my esteem hierarchy, I still hated others calling me selfish. I was not ..... Or was I ?

"I...sorry... what can I do ...?" I mumbled.

"I am glad you asked that." He said this as coldly as to make me feel he didn't mean what he just said "I know a lot about Malfoy, because, as you may have noticed, I always took care of him in some ways. So professor MacGonnagal and myself have come to the conclusion that the only person capable of giving him what he needs is yourself, Potter. Even though I seriously am beginning to wonder if you really are. So find out what it is he needs, and whatever it is, give it to him. He never was very social, and I can feel he needs others' support. Begin by giving him that."

He looked at me, again, right in the eyes.

"I won't have you deceive me. Now go Potter."

And he went back to his meticulous cleaning business.

I took my stuffs and left.

When I got outside his class, I was still trying to get in the new information I just learned. I was supposed to help him now. I couldn't even approach him without freaking out, and I was supposed to help him.... whatever happened to my simple life at Privet Drive .....

"So what am I supposed to do now...?" I couldn't keep it to myself. Anyways, no one was here. Or so I thought. I sighed.

"Look at how sorry the poor boy is ...." someone sneered.

I turned around. That was Malfoy. He just sneered at me. He looked at me with his disdainful look. That made me feel very weird. One whole part of me was intensely happy, just thinking about the fact that he finally did notice me (over the two last weeks), the other one felt humiliated and wanted some kind of revenge.

I guess that since I just got scolded by Snape, the angry me took over the happy me, and I approached him, wanting to do nothing but slap him. He didn't move, looking steadily at me. When I got about 2 feet away from him .....

Everything got confused. I saw him sneering, leaning against the wall. I hexed him with silencio. My hands went for his, and I pinned them on the wall. I didn't think, I couldn't, and I didn't want to. I heard him gasp. I saw his eyes widening like crazy. And then it was all feelings. I felt his lips against mine. My hands holding his tighter. And then, my hands in his hair, around his face... he was so damn soft ! It just drove me mad. He tried to get away from me, but I held him tight. I don't know how long this lasted. And I quickly pulled back when I realized he had stop moving.

When I finally opened my eyes again, I saw. He was whiter than ever. (Which wasn't bad since that made him look really hot, but in this case, it was pretty bad) his hands were shaking, and his silver eyes looked at me in pain and anger. He breathed heavily.

"I... Holy shit...Oh Malfoy.... I ..... Oh God...." I whispered.

I thought. Quickly.

"Sorry for that Malfoy, I, sorry ..... You'll forget it..."

And I hexed him with Obliviate.

He fell. He passed out.

I looked at him. He looked like a fallen angel.....

"What have I done........"

TBC

**A/N**- well, this wasn't really long.... I guess that's approximately how long everyone of my entries will be. I hope you liked it :) . I had fun writing this. Things are still a little clumsy, but I am, getting a little better I think..... I dunno, after all, tell me ! :) thanx again for making it up to here ! I'll try to come up with the 3rd chapter by tomorrow or after tomorrow..........

please review !!!!! :D

neko


	3. so clueless

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**disclaimer-** not mine, plot maybe but not the characters

**A/N**- oh my god, BLINK ROCKSSSSSSS !!!!....... I keep listening to it all day long ..... god it's sooo good !!!!!!...... anyways, THX to all of the people that reviewed my fanfic !!!! (you wouldn't believe how good that feels :D :D :D ... ) so thx to muggsie :) (I already thanked the 2 first reviewers before ... but thx anyways XD !!!)

and a big fat THANK to muggsie (again ;) ) for the fav :) :) (my very first fav !!!!! TT thank you thank you)....... thankssssss again to all of the people that added me to their alert watch list : Muggsie(again, thk U thk U), Tseshi-S-chan, Shadowed Past, mewsue, nat25, AND Celeste Jacobs. :)

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LET ME LOVE YOU

chapter 3 - so clueless

I sat besides him, in Mrs. Pomfrey's office. He was still unconscious, almost 20 minutes after I casted the spell. I felt really bad. What if he was gonna go mad like Gilderoy ? What if I didn't erase the right part of his memory...? Questions, doubts, insecurities crawled in my head, and I could do nothing but wait.

He had got some blush back, so he didn't look as dead as when I just hexed him. He breathed slowly and steadily, but in such a delicate way that it was almost unnoticeable. His soft and blond hair shined at some times, when the branches of the tree just behind the office's window would let the sun bare, letting its rays caress his face.

Yup, I felt sappy around him. It is at this precise time, in this office, waiting for him to wake up, that I realized I didn't have a crush on him. I just loved him. But that, I swore to myself he would never ever know. Because, if he came to know, what would be his first reaction ? Laugh at me. I just knew. At least I thought I knew.

I had a hard time hiding the truth to Mrs. Pomfrey. When Malfoy passed out, I took him in my arms (and oh my he was light) and I ran as fast as I could to the nurse office. I was in some kind of trance, I think that was why I didn't think about casting a levitating spell or whatever of the kind. When I got there, Pomfrey asked me a bunch of questions my brain wasn't ready yet to process and answer. When I caught my breath, she asked it all again, and I mumbled some quickly made-up story I don't even remember. She looked at me like I was some kind of zoo specimen, and declared there was nothing to do but wait. I was lucky she didn't try anything to find out which spell was last casted on him. That would have been trouble.

I heard someone entering the room. I turned around to face this someone. The someone was actually Hermione, and she didn't look as happy as me to see her. She pulled a chair and set it by me. Looking away from me, she murmured

"Harry, I have to talk to you. We know you have a lot to do, and we know you have much on your mind, but please listen. Ron and I are worried about you. You won't talk to us if we don't come to you. You haven't spend much time with us, and it is as if we aren't friends anymore. I don't know why you don't care about us anymore, but we feel hurt Harry...."

"Mione I--"

"Let me finish please. We joined the order. You know us. We trust in you, and we need you. Ron is getting upset about it. You don't want our company, or at least it appears so, since you turn angry really easily in the common room and the dormitory - according to Ron. And I must admit, I don't know what to think anymore. We love you Harry, just give us a sign, we'll respond. If anything is troubling you, tell us. We're your friends.... or at least, we thought we were."

"Mione I... I'm sorry I--"

"Then what is the matter ? Don't keep everything for yourself.....! I'd be so happy to help you.... and we just... we miss you..."

She looked down. I felt sorry. Since the beginning of the year, I actually didn't pay much attention to them...

I hugged her.

"I'm sorry Hermione.. I had so much on my mind lately, I.... I don't know... I forgot... I know this sounds so lame, but so much is happening... you and Ron are doing so much, I can't thank you enough.... and I know I'm not easy to live with."

I gave her a gauche smile. She smiled back.

"I'm so happy you weren't mad at us for some reason..." she sighed in relief and hugged me tighter.

"No actually, I'll tell you; I was told to ..... ermmmm ..... I don't quite know how to put it....." I thought a bit and ended up saying "Well, anyways, Malfoy is the center of the trouble, as usual."

At this very moment, I noticed he was awake, and staring at me. I quickly pulled back from Hermione's arms. She didn't notice him, kissed me on the cheek, and said happily

"Thank you Harry, I am so glad we clarified all of this, nothing will get in our way now !" she winked and left.

_Oh. my. I hope he doesn't think that she is-- _

"Potter, is she your girlfriend or something ?" were the first words he said.

"I...well... _anyways_. How do you feel ?"

"Since when do you care how I feel ? And why the heck am I here ....?" he frowned and looked around.

"Malfoy, I need to know, how do you feel ?"

"I hate it, I don't get what's going on.. last thing I remember is me walking out of some period..... whichever it was, and then I--" he tried to get up. He stopped and made a face. He rushed his hands on his head and swore softly.

"Are you okay ? Please tell me, Malfoy, are you all---"

he began shouting at me

"_Why do you fucking care_ ?!!! _I don't need ----_"

"I ASKED YOU, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT !" I snapped..... all riiiiiiight .....

He looked at me with round eyes. It was almost like his mouth would hang open. Strangely Pomfrey wasn't alarmed by the noise. She didn't show up.

I breathed in heavily, and sighed. I took my head in my hands. I began muttering

"I'm sorry Malfoy.... I... well, I guess you know you _are_ a pain in the ass. Now, would you please mind answering me ? Are you feeling good ? I do care, so please tell me."

He pouted.

"I'm good. Thanks." he grumbled.

"Now please, tell me again, what is the last thing you remember....?"

"I don't why, out of all people, _you_ should be the one I should answer to."

"Malfoy, let me get this straight. You do know as well as me that Snape AND MacGonagall want us to get along. They told you to try to establish some contact with me, and now the told _me_ to come to you. So please, give it a try. Be cooperative."

He looked at me, like he was evaluating if I was worthy of his company.

"All right."

I held out my hand. He hesitated at first, but then took it. I smiled. He gave me a dubious look, and tried his best to achieve something of a smile. His face almost looked cheerful. He had a something that made me think of a porcelain doll. Suddenly, his face went back to the pouting mode, and he broke the silence

"So what now ?"

I sighed. This was going to be hard.

TBC

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**A/N-** WOOOhooooooo !!!! Isn't it cuteeeeee ???? Finally ! XD They're not enemies anymore :D ! I had so much writing this !... It's pretty short but well ....... THX for making it up to here ! :) please review ! love you all !!!!


	4. So complicated

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**disclaimer -** not mine.

**A/N-(let's call it thanks, cause that's basically what it is)-** Thanks to my new reviews ! :) I feel... so .... loved XD ! So thanx a lot to Fairytale-princess-504, random91, and Gya ! :) (and muggsie again ! XD )

Fairytale-princess-504, your review made me feel so proud of my work XD .... having you write the "pleasepleaseplease" made me feel so darn good XD ...

random91, you telling me about your friend showing my fanfic ..... wheeeeee happy and there IS more to come... :) still some parts are kinda blurry in my mind, but I pretty much know what's gonna happen.....

Gya, you review, specially the "geez, another silly hyper story." made me laugh so much XD .... (yeah I know, I'm a pretty hysterical person .....)

(and muggsie again, love you ! ;p )

btw, random91, I love you for the fav ;) plus the alert watch list, thx for the watch list, findingEMO and berlouche.

anyways, a big, fat, slimy, glossy, and wet THANK to you all ! (you make me keep on going ! :D )

Blink rocks, did you know that ? In particular, listen to "story of a lonely guy", "the rock show", and "first date". These are so cool it makes my eyes water kinda.... I'm so in love with it ..... oh, school starts over tomorrow, so I may not keep the 1 chapter/day pace. It sucks but, oh wow, I'll have more time to stalk my "Draco" there.... (yup !!!!! I found someone that looks so like Draco ! he's way hotter than Tom Felton... :p ((sorry to the fans))... Tom Felton's okay, but he isn't that photogenic. Draco is way sexier in my mind..... :L ....)

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LET ME LOVE YOU

chapter 4 - So complicated

I was perfectly fine. I had an alibi to spend time with Malfoy. He didn't ignore me anymore. Sometimes, he would even say hi to me on his own, and when that would happen, I would feel great for the rest of the day. Of course, I didn't spend hours and hours with him. Not only would it be weird, but he just..... didn't.... wasn't.... he wasn't used to me I'd say. When we would be together, we wouldn't really say anything. He was not talkative, and that wasn't just because he was with me. I guess that's what he always was like. I asked him a few times about how he acted around Crabbs and Goyle, and he only told me they were idiots, and it wasn't worth wasting his saliva talking to them. According to him, they didn't even understand him half the time. I guess that must have been pretty hard to put up with those.

Most of the time, he wouldn't answer my questions. But he sure would get his way when asking me questions. He can be such a pest he wants to. Actually, even when he didn't do it on purpose, he would still manage to be a pain. I don't quite know why, but I actually got to like this side of his personality....

I mean, come on, he _is_ adorable.

I enjoyed all of that while I could. And then_, it_ happened.

I was in the Griffindor common room, having fun with Ron and Hermione. Ron was actually really open when I came to give him my apologies. (Which I thought was pretty weird, since he is the kind not to forget that kind of thing easily, but well.) Now we would spend more time together. I actually _had_ more time since things were smooth with Malfoy. Hermione and I were teasing Ron, choosing for him which girl would make a cute couple with him, when someone entered the common room, exhausted. He was tall, skinny, and looked like he was a seventh year. He called all the present Griffindors.

"People, Ijustsawthethreeofthem...!" he blurted all at once

Everyone looked at him like he was coming from Venus clothed with diapers and pink socks.

"What ? Don't tell me you don't know ?"

"What is it then ?" said someone.

"They broke in !!! Students were injured ! Badly wounded...! You don't know that ?"

"They who?" asked the same someone.

"They the death eaters !"

We heard a unique gasp, that actually was everyone's. Then a heavy silence fell. No one dared to talk. Even the seventh year was still uncertain about telling the rest of his story. He finally decided he could go on

"A group of three students were off in the forbidden forest. They weren't clear about what they were doing there, but they told everything about the assault. Two death eaters were there. From what I understood, one was an animagus, transforming in some kind of dog - or not sure if it was a wolf too - and the other one kept his face hidden under a hood. Apparently, after immobilizing them - at the price of pretty bad looking wounds - they said something like 'he is not here. You three tell them we are watching' and they disappeared. You should see them now, they're like they've seen You-Know-Who."

No one dared to move. It all felt stuffy suddenly. Then, one blond girl got up, pale, and went to her dormitory. Everyone imitated her. Except me. Too much was going on in my mind to clearly know what to do. When re-played the boy's speech in my head, I got stuck on the words "he is not here". He. Malfoy.....?

I had to know. I ran out of the room, climbed down stairs, ran through deserted corridors, passed countless doors. I finally found a living soul ; professor MacGonagall. Fortunately, exactly one of the people I wished to meet.

"Oh Potter ! What are doing here ?! I mean, are you okay ? Do you know about_ it _? " she pressed

"Professor ! I know what happened. What are we going to do ? Are we gonna take action ? _Does Malfoy have anything to do with it _?"

"Don't worry Potter, Malfoy is safe... for the moment. No outsider can enter Hogwarth while Dumbledor is here."

_Yeah right, Sirius broke in once... this really doesn't make me feel any better..._

"The Order is going to meet as soon as possible. Do not try anything harsh Potter. We can't afford you to be off somewhere without us knowing. Now please, go to the Griffindor tower." and she hurried away.

I caught up to her, and urged

"Professor, how is Malfoy ? Could you tell me where he is ?"

"He is safe, do not worry..."

"Please tell me,_ where is he _?"

"Do not fret, he is all right. Now please go."

"I beg you professor, please _tell me ! Where is he _?" I begged her.

She stopped and looked at me like I was demented. She thought and then murmured

"I did not know you two were this close. I will tell you. I do not know. Snape took him. Malfoy was dreadfully frightened. He told us quite much about the Dark Lord's army, which caused him to get paranoid. He knows they were here for him. Now Potter, go."

"Thank you professor" I managed to say.

She left. I stood._ He was in danger_. Exactly what I feared would happen. I began running. To Snape's office. I needed to see him. I needed to be by him._ I needed to see he was all right._ Particularly because I knew he wasn't. And I didn't know how right I was.

I finally got to Snape's office. I opened the door. No one.

_FUCK ! This is driving me crazy ! Where is that crackbrained SNAPE ? WHERE THE HELL DID HE....._

I tried to get a hold of my feelings, breathed, and thought.

He probably was off to some urgent meeting with all the staff. That would be the more realistic guess I could take. I couldn't go there, since I was supposed to be at my house.

Something fell. Something that sounded like metal, or a blade of some sort. I was never good with analyzing sounds anyways. I heard a whimper. I entered the office. I just realized it wasn't locked. Guess that Snape hasted too much. The whines turned into whispers. That was Draco !

"_Draco where are you ?" _

The mumbles stopped.

"It's me, Harry.... I mean, errr well, Potter ..."

I caught rattleling sounds. Then nothing. One part of the left wall opened up, a secret door, and Malfoy appeared. He looked frightened. His hands were shaking. he tried to hide it as well as he could. he gave me one of the darkest looks I ever saw him giving.

"Thank goodness you are here...! Malfoy....I...oh my .... I was so worried..!" I stuttered. I hated me for it, but the matter was way too alarming to have that kind of thoughts.

I went to him, so I could hug him. I wanted to reassure him, to hold him against me, I wanted.... I wanted to have a concrete evidence he was with me. I know, love makes us think in really sappy ways, but I learned to put up with it.

Unfortunately, he saw my move and backed up.

"_What is it with you ? Do you think you're my mom or something to hug me ? Did I even ever ask you to come see me ...?" _he flared out. His mouth was still half opened. He looked at me like I was the most disgusting thing on Earth ever.

I was annihilated. I couldn't believe it. I was on the verge of falling apart, I was worried sick for him. His only feedback was sickened looks.

I leaned against a wall. I took my head in my hands.

"Why...? Malfoy....I...I don't get it...." I managed to babble.

"_Why_ ? Why ? .... why.... cuz." he looked away.

I didn't dare to say anything. He didn't say anything either.

"Cuz I hate it when people touch me. Not to mention..... _you_ ........" he thought good to add.

That was too much. I know I wasn't suppose to love him, I know it was all wrong. I knew I shouldn't have become that attached to him. But how could I do otherwise ? He has always hated me, and even though I thought it was over, I was just proved wrong.

"Sorry..." I whispered.

I got up. He backed away a little. I got out of the office and began running. I was on the verge of crying.

_Fuck you Harry, you're such a wimp ! Stop it ! Don't you dare CRY........_

"Potter !" he shouted. Since I kept on going, he thought good to run after me. "POTTER WAIT !" He quickly caught up with me. He also caught my sweater's sleeve. I lost my balance, him too, and we miserably crashed to the floor.

When he got back from the pain he muttered

"Look, I'm sorry Potter....."

I laid pitifully on the floor. I didn't respond.

"I'm freaking out... so .... I'm.... I'm not really controlling what I'm doing...."

I still didn't move.

"I....aughhhh... _screw it_ ! _Okay, I am glad you came to see me_."

We were still both laying on the floor. He was on his back staring at the ceiling. I was on my side. When his last words were repeated enough times for my brain to assimilate them, I smiled the widest smile I ever smiled.

He put his hand on my shoulder, and made me face the ceiling. He gave me a dull look that turned into astonishment.

"Potter..... you... _you cried _..... your eyes are red..."

"Whatever." That made me go back to sulking mode.

"No, really,_ you did_."

"Like I didn't know."

"I'm...I'm sorry... I....."

"Shut up." he was driving me crazy.

"Potter, I... I really----"

"_I said shut up !"_

"POTTER LET ME FINISH ALREADY ! I CARE ABOUT YOU..." he shouted. he was short breathed.

"Oh....." My turn to be astonished. I... I was happy. "I..... Thanks. I care about you too Malfoy."

He smiled in some sad way.

"Can I hug you ?" came from both of our mouths at the same time. We smiled real smiles.

I finally hugged him. He hugged me back. I was so happy I forgot everything about the death eaters, the order, the everything. Malfoy was hugging me.

He sighed.

"By the way, did you call me Draco ?"

Why does he always have to ruin everything ?

TBC.

**A/N-** so far, I think this was the best chapter ! :) I hoped you enjoyed it !!! Thanks for making it up to here !!! I am having great fun writing this ! :) now serious stuffs are gonna happen .... I'll have to study the combat spells and everything though ....... anyways, please review ! :)

and thanks again for reading it all ! love you all !!!!

btw, if anyone could be my beta reader........ I'd be happy to collaborate ! :)

neko


	5. So fragile

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**Disclaimer **- you know how it goes..... I really actually would like to own Draco... he's so awesome ... Sometimes, I even feel in love with him .... he's so quick ass.... Draco, my dear Draco .... but since I can't have you .... anyways, I wouldn't dare spoil my own story XD ! (it's not like it's not obvious or anything, but maybe some people are still wondering.... )

**A/N- **Blink rocks my socks. They're the best eveeeeeeeeer ..... MARK, TOM, I LOVE YOU !!!! (I don't like Travis as much...... he isn't as hot...) _anyways_ ..... (Draco's sexier :L .....)

Thanks to my 2 new reviewers ! :D

random91- your review was so darn nice ! :) I actually haven't written anything before. This is my first fic _ever _in my whole short life. ;) I'm so happy you like it, it really does make me feel good :) .

AJ586- thx for the review ! XD That was..... kinda weird, but still, THX ! :)

You guys (well... even though you are more likely to be girls :p ) make me keep on going !!!!! :)

school sucks you knew that ? .... it's all right, I won't update every night, or else, I would either 1) get to bed really late 2) make my fic become really crappy (which I really want to avoid at all prices...... well no, actually, I'd rather have my fic get crappy than die, but well ....)

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LET ME LOVE YOU

chapter 5 - so fragile

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Things were not good. Teachers were missing, mostly because of urgent meeting among the Order members', and the substitutes often lacked knowledge, discipline or other required qualities.... Everyone was aghast, and it wouldn't be very probable to find anyone wandering around in the castle. Hogwarth never looked this dead. Even Peeves wouldn't show up anymore. Not that he had to fear the deatheaters, but most likely because he had no one to bug anymore. Students and teachers didn't talk much, and if they would, it'd only be whispers. This stillness made me grow restless. I hadn't seen Malfoy after this last night. I needed to see him, to make sure he was all right. Only, I was scared that he would came back to his senses, or that he would not, and push me away like he knows so well how to.

I was walking aimlessly in some part of the castle, more or less lost in that giant jigsaw of couloirs. For the last three days, I kept remembering the moment he hugged me. And the moment he confessed he cared about me.

Well, after that, he did ask me if I called him Draco. I had to admit it. He made me. He is the kind to always get what desired. Spoiled brat. When he actually heard me admit I called him by his first name, he didn't even react in anyways. he wasn't flattered, nor disgusted. I hated that. I left him emotionless. Well, it isn't like he would be easy to tame. If he even _could _be tamed.

I also kept wondering about those sounds I heard in Snape's office. They obviously came from Draco. What in the heck would he be doing with metal thingies ? (If that was what he was playing with.) So this night, I finally decided to go to Snape's office to investigate. I didn't have anything to do anyways. Ron and Hermione wouldn't be mad at me for not spending this time with them, since they were way too worried about the last events. They hardly even dared leave the common room besides classes, breakfast, lunch and dinner.

When I finally found my way, after having been lost a shameful number of times, I hurried toward Snape's office. This time, it was locked.

"Alohomora"

It clicked and open slightly. I still couldn't believe Snape didn't lock his office better than that, but anyways. I opened. It was all dark.

"Lumos" I whispered.

I look around and saw nothing. I looked a second time, and I noticed. _Blood. Blood stains on the floor._ I got down. There weren't much of them, but sort of large. I would have said, the size of a large coin. They weren't new. Most of them. Some were still fresh. I followed the path, and got to the exact same place as where Malfoy appeared three days ago. they led to the secret passageway, or whatever it was. I stuck my ear on the wall. Nothing. Really. I waited. It paid off : almost inaudible sobs were coming from inside...... those were strangely a lot like ----

_WHAT THE FUCK ? MALFOY ? WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING TO HIM ?!?_

At the cost of priceless efforts, I managed not to make any sounds. If I told him I was here, he would not tell me anything about it. I thought. I began searching the wall for something that could put the wall to action. Nothing, no matter what pressure, no matter where, the wall was all flat and bare. I tried to think up of some sort of spell, but none came to my mind.

"I need to know... oh please, let me get in, I need to know what's going on......" I whispered. I leaned on the wall. I could still hear the sobs.

"I need to help him in some sort of ways........."

Sometimes, when you think really strongly at what you want to happen, it ends up happening. But this time, it didn't appear it would be this way. The time kept its slow track, and I could do nothing but listen to him, on this other part of the wall. I felt miserable. He needed something, someone.... and I wasn't able to be there, to comfort him.

I decided I would not stay any longer. I got up. Even though I decided so, I couldn't get myself to actually leave the place.

_Never mind. If I can't get to him, I'll wait for him to come out._

I hated this situation. I had always been able to make up schemes, or to get to my goal. This time, I could only wait and watch.

After endless minutes, the door finally opened. I had put out my wand light, so Malfoy didn't notice I was there. I caught a glimpse of what was behind the wall. Basically, it was a bare room, with three torches, hanging in the air, burning. The light coming from the room reflected on something that Malfoy was carrying. I wasn't wrong. it was metal. A metal _blade_. Something like the length of a teen hand. Blood was badly cleaned off it.

Then Malfoy noticed me.

"Who are you ?"

"It's me."

"You... _you_..... _What are you DOING HERE _?"

"Let me ask you first this time, what were _you_ doing ?" I answer calmly. I knew something was wrong. Something was very wrong.

"WHY SHOULD I TELL YOU ? YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO SEE...--"

"Malfoy, I cannot have you hiding this kind of stuff.... what IS it ?"

"_I AM NOT GONNA BLOODY ANSWER YOU ! THIS IS PERSONAL, YOU ARE VIOLATING MY PRIVACY_" he shouted. He was so angry his whole body was shaking.

"I need to know.."

_" WHAT WERE YOU EVEN HERE FOR ANYWAYS ? I KNEW I COULD NEVER TRUST YOU !"_

"You're wrong Malfoy, you _can_ trust me. You just won't."

"NO WAY YOU.... YOU.... FUCK YOU ! OUT OF MY SIGHT! I DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE ! YOU DISGUST ME ! AND DON'T YOU DARE SAY ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT YOU JUST SAW !!!"

"I won't leave until you tell me."

"I.... I..... I AM not.... I'm ....." .....He got suddenly lost in his thoughts. He fell silent. And he added

"You bloody disappear Potter......."

"I won't."

"Leave me alone... Leave me, leave my business... don't want you out of all people trying to.. get into it. Leave me alone...." He looked down.

"I won't."

"You... stop it Potter..... You fucking leave now or else.... or else...." he pointed his wand at me.

"Or else ?" I kept my head cold. All of this time, I had an amazing energy, to keep on going. I knew he would end up telling me.

"Or else I'll... hex.... you...... with ......" His hand that pointed toward me began shacking violently. He made a face. he was in deep pain, I could see that. He was wearing a tight black shirt with long sleeves. I noticed the wrist level of the sleeves were slightly darker than the rest of the shirt.

"I'll hex you with Crucio..."

He gave me a supplicating look. I saw a tear running down his left cheek. His hand let the wand fall to the floor. He quickly grasped his wrist, and got it against his belly. He moaned.

I didn't know what to do anymore. I went to him. He didn't back up. So I embraced him. I held him tight against me. He muttered

"I hate you Potter.... you are the worst thing Earth had ever bear."

"I know... you don't have to tell me that.... here.. here..."

"you truly are the .... you're so .... you're such ..... you're a fucking asshole and you're abusing of me....." he murmured

"Anything more to add ?"

"You're a sickness inflicted to humanity, you're abominable, detestable, gross, nauseating, not to mention obnoxious, odious, plus repugnant, and shameless......and and......"

"That was nice......." I grumbled..... I decided I would not loose this time ....

I held him a little tighter. I closed my eyes. I felt he finally held me back... He was crying, I knew....

"You're evil.... why.... Potter .... Harry ..... why...? Why don't you go away ? Why do you keep coming back.... didn't I hurt you ? Won't you ever give up...."

"Here ... here.... don't worry, I'm here.... I won't let you down... I swear I will never."

"I thought I could keep you away.. I thought I could make you think I.... I hated you ...." he confessed... and he held me tight. "I... I hate you for making me so weak. I hate you Harry you get that ? You're horrible."

"I don't care what you say. You need help. I'm here for you. I said I care about you....."

"I... I know .... stop hugging me. Don't touch me. Please. Stop it please." he begged. I finally obeyed. I pulled back. To my surprise, he didn't.

"Harry .... I hate you.... well I ... I don't know anymore.... you're.... I ....--"

"Hush now..... here.." I decided I would embrace him again.

We stood there. I don't know for how long.... I was surprised he wouldn't let me go. I was in heaven. After what seemed only a few seconds and an eternity at the same time, he loosened his grip. He wasn't crying nor shaking anymore. He was calm and peaceful.

"Draco....?"

"Hmmm....?"

"You're okay....?"

"I hate to tell you this, I actually hate you, but anyways.... I ... I must admit I feel better.." he sighed.

"Now, please. Tell me. What were you doing....? In the room... I need to know. I promise I won't tell anyone. Please."

"This doesn't concern you." he muttered against my head. He had laid his face against the side of my face. His eyes were closed. He was frowning. I slowly pulled back from him. When all physical contact came to an end, he rubbed his eyes. I noticed his hands were bloody. He looked at me like a lost kitten. He actually made a move forward, grabbed one of my arms, and pulled me against him. He cuddled against me. I couldn't believe it.

"I don't want you to get away from me...." he grumbled, trying not to make it audible to me.

"I thought you said you hated me..."

"I do." when he said so, I pulled back. He came back to me.

"You hate me then ?"

"Okay, you may be right. I might not hate you ....." he said moodily. "now don't you dare get away from me."

"Please tell me..."

"You wanna know.... he wants to know ..... let him know then !" he pulled back his sleeves. His right _and_ left wrists were covered with cuts. At least ten new ones figured not each of his wrist. Countless others had been cut there before. I took his delicate hands, and looked at the wounds. I was .... I couldn't believe it. Malfoy, actually no, he was _Draco_ now, mutilated himself.

"Draco, what the ......" I whispered...

"Aren't they beautiful ? " he smirked.

"You ... oh my .... oh Draco ..... you ......." I found nothing better to do than to take him against me. "Why.....?"

"_Why_ ? .... Why ? Actually, yes, why can't you enjoy a good moment when it is given to you...?"

"You're right.... we'll talk about it tomorrow.... let's just....--"

"Lay on the floor and sleep. I am getting migraines from lack of sleep."

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TBC

**A/N-** tadaaaaaaaa !!!!! So how was it ? tell me tell me !!!!!! I think I did okay .... I isn't this great, but it basically follows the plot I planned :) . THX for making it up to here ! I love you ! please review to make me feel like keeping up ! :) (hu-ho ... it's almost 1 in the morning and I have to get up a 6 tomorrow..... what wouldn't I do for you ? XD ... lol....) Thx again for reading ! LOVE YOU ! :)

(omg ! I thought my PC froze when I was about to save the whole thing ((which I didn't save from the beginning...)) ... scaaaaaaary .....)


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